Do you know who you are?

I can't even begin to explain how excited I am about writing this post. 

So excited that it's taken me about two weeks to draft this. 

This is a subject that I've been passionate about for a very long time. And I'm not sure when or how it all started, but it's built up over time and through various experiences. 

I remember being in second grade and it was career day. We got to dress up as what we wanted to be when we grew up. I wore an apron and carried around a couple of dolls. Can you guess what I wanted to be? I wanted to be a Mom. Here's a picture of me around that age. 

I still remember this doll! The thing I'm holding in the other arm is a diaper dryer. You could feed the baby water with a bottle and it would come out the other end. Then you could take the wet diaper, put it inside the dryer, push down on the top, and it would spin it dry. I thought it was the BEST thing ever invented. Come on, look at that face. Pure joy! 

Well, this post isn't necessarily about motherhood, although it is closely related. This is about:

wom·an·hood

ˈwo͝omənˌho͝od/

noun

1. the state or condition of being a woman.

   "she was on the very brink of womanhood"

the qualities considered to be natural to or characteristic of a woman.

"Mary was cultivated as an ideal of womanhood"

women considered collectively.

"images of African-American womanhood"

Like I said, I've been an advocate for women for a long time. Primarily because I am one! But also because I see how twisted the view of women is in the world now and I just can't stand it. 

It makes me want to rip my hair out sometimes and just say, 

"What are you thinking?! Do you know who you are??" 

Here is a short commercial that I think illustrates how the perception of women and girls is in our society: 

It's interesting, isn't it? What bothered me most, is if someone had asked me to do those same things, to run like a girl, or throw like a girl, I would have done the EXACT same thing.

So why does society want us to view ourselves as flimsy, forceless and flaccid?

And I don't think I need to show you how society is objectifying women. That can be seen everywhere you look. 

So again, I pose the question, why is society objectifying and undermining women? 

Let's go a bit deeper, let's get our hands a little dirty and dig into that dirt to find the real ROOT of the problem. You won't have to dig very long nor very far to find that one who is always at the root of evil. He lives (if you can even call it living) there in the dirt, hoping to strangle and suffocate anything that resembles life and anything that bears record of Christ. 

Well isn't that everything?

Moses 6:63 says, "And behold, all things have their likeness, and all things are created and made to bear record of me, both things which are temporal, and things which are spiritual; things which are in the heavens above, and things which are on the earth, and things which are in the earth, and things which are under the earth, both above and beneath: all things bear record of me."

There are symbols of Christ all around us. The sun that rises in the morning. All the trees around us. Even the seasons testify of Christ. In a book called, "Women of Light." Jack R. Christianson poses the question...

"If all things are made to be a symbol of Christ, is it possible that there could be something that is the ultimate symbol? And if so what would that be?"

His answer is: WOMAN. How could a woman be the ultimate symbol of Christ? Here's his reasoning... 

Moses 6: 59-60 "That by reason of transgression cometh the fall, which fall bringeth death, and inasmuch as ye were born into the world by water, and blood, and the spirit, which I have made, and so became of dust a living soul, even so ye must be born again into the kingdom of heaven, of water, and of the Spirit, and be cleansed by blood, even the blood of mine Only Begotten; that ye might be sanctified from all sin, and enjoy the words of eternal life in this world, and eternal life in the world to come, even immortal glory;

  For by the water ye keep the commandment; by the Spirit ye are justified, and by the blood ye are sanctified;"

Jack R. Christianson went on to say,  "Now, sisters, why are you a symbol of Christ? As Jesus shed His blood, to give spiritual life and eternal life, what then is the role of those who have the opportunity to be mothers? They shed their very life’s blood to give physical, mortal life. And so the birth process—how we all enter this world—is literally a symbol of being born again, a symbol of the Son of God shedding His blood."

Elder Matthew Cowley, a former member of the Quorum of the Twelve said this: "You sisters belong to the great sorority of saviorhood. You may not hold the priesthood. Men are different, men have to have something given to them to make them saviors of men, but not mothers, not women. You are born with an inherent right, an inherent authority, to be the saviors of human souls. you are the co-creators with God of his children."

I absolutely loved that quote. We belong to the sorority of saviourhood. How beautiful is that? And when we begin to understand this, it helps to explain why the devil works so hard to desecrate women. We know that there are two things he will never have: A body and a family. And because of that truth, he HATES us all. But, ya know, I think there's one person that he hates more than anyone else: Jesus Christ. So wouldn't it make sense that he would attack the ultimate symbol of Christ, even woman? He knows who we are! He knows what we're capable of! And he knows very well that if he can blind us to our own potential and distract us with things that don't matter- our weight, our clothing, our past, etc... - then he knows that he will win. 

I think this is why the phrase, "Remember, remember" comes up so many times in the scriptures. We need to remember who we are and WHOSE we are. We are divine daughters of a Heavenly Father. Our potential is limitless. We are symbols of Christ. We belong to the sorority of Saviorhood. 

I hope that each of us can remember who we truly are and embrace the beautiful qualities of womanhood that have been given to us. The knowledge of this doctrine can change the world. I plead with you to share this message, and not only to women, but also to men! This is a message for everyone. Elder Boyd K. Packer said, 

“True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and 

behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will 

improve behavior quicker than a study of behavior 

will improve behavior. … That is why we stress so 

forcefully the study of the doctrines of the gospel”

Think of the boy or man struggling with an addiction to pornography. If they truly understood the doctrine of women, that they are the ultimate symbol of Christ, how much more easily would it be for him to quit that addiction? Or for the young woman who has low self esteem and looks to find confidence in her immodest dress, or attention from boys. How might her behavior change if she understood this doctrine? 

Just one final quote to think about: 

There is a powerful change in people when they understand the "WHY." 

Moments

I think we all have moments in our lives when things come into perspective. Some refer to this as an "ah-ha" moment. A moment of clarity and understanding. I've had a couple of those moments lately. And I think they are so important that I need to write about them.
I recently returned home from a full-time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  Going on a mission was scary, and it took a lot of courage, but I don't think I was prepared for what it would be like to go home. After all, England WAS my home. The people and the members were my family. I knew my purpose there, and I felt I belonged. I hadn't thought a lot about what it would be like going home until it started to become a reality (about six weeks before I would leave).  Fear and anxiety, of course mixed with excitement and anticipation, crept into my thoughts every day.  I worried about my education, my social life, and how I would deal with so much free time!  But I think the thing that scared me the most about coming home was this:

Had my mission changed me?  Would I be different? Would the change that had taken place in my heart be evidenced in my actions?

 I had felt that I had been an instrument in the hands of God to help others to change. But change is such a strange process. It happens slowly, usually without us noticing it. After all, for someone who is trying to lose weight, it takes about 4 weeks to notice your body changing, 8 weeks for your friends, and about 12 weeks for the rest of the world. But how do you measure the change of heart? Can it even be measured at all? These were a few of the thoughts that crossed my mind prior to returning home.
My mission president's wife had made a comment to me that she had seen a change in me. And although that was comforting and nice to hear, I felt that I needed to notice it for it to be real.
As a result of this desire to KNOW if I had been changed, I spent a lot of time in my last six weeks studying about conversion and reflecting on the goals I had set at the beginning of my mission. I will never forget the amazing experience of hearing Elder Holland, an apostle of the Lord, speak at the Missionary Training Center. His words still ring in my mind...

Make sure you are God's investigator. He wants you to do what you want your investigators to do. He is trying to make sure that you are converted. I can demand and insist that there will be one convert. That is you! You WILL be a believer regardless. You will have this! It will become your DNA and you will be converted to the marrow of your bones. This is your rebirth, that mighty change. You embrace it! You give it all you've got. Jump into the pool, there is water in it and the Lord wants you to swim. Give the Lord a little bit and he will give you His all. Don't be a missionary that checks this off the list. Don't say, "I can't wait for real life..." THIS IS REAL LIFE! Capital R, Capital L. (Imagine him saying this with his hands holding onto the pulpit,almost shouting), There is NOTHING more real than what you're doing right now! You are NEVER to set this experience aside. It is to be a part of your soul forever. I can deal with a lot of things but I cannot deal with a missionary that comes home less active. 

The thought of coming home, not changed was the scariest thought of all. The only way to find out if I had changed, was to immerse myself back into non-missionary life again. The day I went home was one I'll never forget. I remember waking up feeling really sick to my stomach but excited for what the day would bring. It was a rush to get ready, putting on my carefully planned outfit, and heading out to the parking lot of the mission office. Here we made our final goodbyes, said a prayer and got in the car. I tried to take it all in. The beautiful sunrise that morning, all the types and makes of cars that I wouldn't see in America. The small roads, the greenery, and even the signs that marked the way to the airport. It was a perfect morning. I remember feeling like something was destined to go wrong that day, because it was all just too perfect! But it didn't. I said goodbye to my dear mission president and made my first steps toward home.
It was an exhausting day. Birmingham to Newark, Newark to Denver, and finally Denver to Boise. I had made some friends on the way. A nice man and his son who were going to Alaska for a cruise, and a girl in the Swatch store in Newark. I still had on my badge and I can recall just touching it many times throughout the day, cherishing these last moments that I still had that authority to preach the gospel.
Finally, the airplane descended, and the Boise airport came into view. I cannot put into words my feelings at this point. It felt like an eternity to walk but a nice lady who happened to be a member, walked alongside with me. Then I was living the moment that I had imagined for so long. I stood at those glass doors and walked/ran into the sweet, loving arms of my dear mother. Such joy I have never felt before! To see my family after so long and to hold them in my arms again. It would have been perfect if not for what I knew was coming next...the release.

Release (verb): To free from responsibility or duty, to free from confinement, bondage, obligation, pain, etc..

 It's a funny word choice actually. For some, I suppose it might feel like being free from confinement or bondage. But for me, it felt congruent to confinement. Okay, perhaps I'm being a bit dramatic...but that badge wasn't just a piece of plastic. It was a symbol of sacrifice and a reminder of the only One who is important.
Coming home from a mission almost feels like you've been dead for 18 months to 2 years, and then all the sudden you're alive again. I mean this in the best way possible! And in a strange way. It's a process of rediscovery. I have to remind myself that it's a process, because it can be frustrating. The first "moment" occurred when I was rummaging through all the things I had left behind in my bedroom. I was going through some photos when I came across a few that were taken only months prior to my missionary service. I don't know how to put this but I literally didn't recognize myself! I don't mean literally in the way that most teenagers use this word, as a filler, like "I was literally driving home from school and like..." I actually mean literally. For a split second, I thought, who is that girl? Then I realized it was me.

Matthew 6:22-23: "The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, they whole body shall be full of light. But if thine eye be evil, they whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!"

Now, don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying that I saw darkness in myself or that I was a bad person before my mission. But, I am saying, that goodness and virtue is visible. In my last area, we were teaching a Mike and Jean, a sweet old couple. So many times they told us how there was just something about our physical presence that was different, that we appeared to be glowing. I do believe that goodness is visible. It can be perceived by the eye, and oh, what a moment that was to perceive it in myself.

Clay in His Hands

God certainly works in mysterious ways. You hear this phrase a lot, but it doesn't seem to internalize until you experience those ways of His. So it is with me. For as long as I can remember, I've known He was there. Looking down on me. Watching over me. He's always been real to me. Just like my own father. Perhaps even more real, although I don't know how that is possible... But it is. I can feel it. Maybe that's because He is perfect and unchanging. He exists beyond this world, beyond my frail understanding, in such a way that at times I feel I could reach out my hand, and He would grab onto it, and I could feel His gentle grip in mine. Although I've never physically felt His touch, He has always been very much involved, embracing me in His love. Slowly, over time, He has changed me. And He continues to do so, but only when I allow Him to. I am one of His masterpieces. And the most mysterious part, is how absolutely perfectly and beautifully He has molded me, even without me noticing it. His touch is so gentle indeed, that it almost cannot be felt. I hope that this blog will be a way in which I can begin to understand a small part of His ways in my life; a sort of biography to map out my understanding. I hope that in turn, as you read this, it will spark interest in you as well to ponder on how He has molded and shaped you into who you are today.